I believe that the body is a temple. I believe that the first step to self-destruction is when you allow physical matter to corrupt your body. Then the mind and heart follow. In no particular order. Just, the physical part is clear to me.
For the past few weeks I had succumbed to the lowest of temptations, peer pressure. You may think it's nothing fancy, but it all comes full circle when you give it an opening. The alcohol until seven in the morning, and all the other crazy stuff that come with it. All due to peer pressure. There is that popular adage "Kung ayaw, may dahilan. Kung gusto, may paraan". "If you don't want to, you could always reason out. If you want to, you can always find a way." And I admitted to myself half of the time that I was weak. In that, I gave in. When I could have walked away. Or, waved a stick. Or threatened with my pepper spray. But I simply thought that there was no risk. That I was going to be fine.
Mind you, I thought that last week alone probably cost me four years of my life in the grand scheme of things. Or if my father found out what I had been up to, consider my life over. It was time, I thought, to shape up. My mind and heart were turning black. I thought that I was finally sick in the head when, even to the anonymity of cyberspace, if it ever existed, I could not "shout it out". It was then that I caught myself red-handed. Of lying. To myself. The truth was, I was not going to be okay with this, That I was, for a few days, riding on a high, and then finally came crashing down the cold, hard, concrete floor.
I realized it was pretty simple. I just needed to be honest. To myself. I mean, who cared about the rest of the world? I just needed to learn to fulfill my own promises. It took me a very long time to learn to say no to worldly luxuries that probably cost my father a fortune. And now I am trying to say no to other things that could ruin the soul. One at a time.
I think that's pretty much the only formula to spiritual healing. Do not lie to the self. So when I said I'd jog, I grabbed my keys, locked the door, and ran. It was 1 am but my god, it was good.